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How to win at dice

“****”Few things stimulates an evildoer’s creative faculty more than greed. Fixed dice games are a popular alternative to obtaining cash or other valuables through so-called legitimate (i.e., boring) means. It is among the simplest ruses there is, but many malefactors overlook the ways that a background in advanced villainy can enhance the outcome in their favor or hamper detection of their cheat. It is a good skill to draw upon when times are hard, resources are low, and nothing like a big score is in the offing.

*Evil plotpoints

  1. Preconditions. Before attempting to make your score, you must seek out a group of players who are likely to bet enough money to make the scam worth your while and who currently regard you (or your agent) to be more or less above suspicion. This may require a lengthy period of insinuation into their midst, with small- and medium-sized losses and modest wins to put them off their guard. This will also afford an opportunity to assess whether your marks might be attempting to cheat you on their own, a piece of intelligence you can likely turn to your advantage when you put your plan into operation. If the marks are extremely skeptical you may wish to make a big show of the balance of your unloaded dice, rolling them repeatedly or spinning them in a tumbler of water.
  2. Loading the dice. There are a number of garden-variety ways to gaff dice (external link), some more detectable than others (external link). Among the more effective and less conventional methods:
    1. Change the molecular arrangement of the dice to cause a weight imbalance. One way is to irradiate one side, knocking atoms out of the lattice toward the other side in a way which is difficult to detect unless the casino has a radiation detector. Alternatively, one could substitute every tenth or hundredth atom with a heavy transuranic isotope along one side, weighing it down only for the ephemeral lifetime of the nuclide.
    2. Apply nanotechnology to give the dice a shove in the right direction. If your inclinations are biological rather than mechanical, consider implanting a small transparent worm trained to obey your telepathic commands whose wanderings will favor the rolls that you need.
    3. Use highly radioactive pips which will decay over time, making that side of the die grow lighter. Or, if you are impatient, introduce a small amount of antimatter to annihilate a bit of the dice.
    4. At the moment the dice come to rest, replace them with an identical pair from another dimension which have the desired numbers showing.
    5. Apply mental influences to the player so they believe they are seeing the numbers which are in your favor. (This is strictly speaking, not loading the dice, but loading the dice players.)
  3. Swap them in and out. Make sure your gambling friends are well supplied with intoxicants, escorts, and psychoactive substances to their liking, so they will not notice the way the fair dice have been switched with your special ones. After you have made your score, it is time to palm them and exchange them with the untampered set. You can repeat this as long as you see fit. Make your sequence of winnings and losses look appropriately random to allay the fears of the suspicious.

Golden Guy Balancing Risk

! Strokes of genius

  • Time travel. The most reliable and direct way of predicting the outcome of a chance event is to observe it and communicate the results to a past point in the timestream, taking care to avoid temporal paradox along the way. The best way to set this up is to to play for a while, losing more than one wins, then proposing a winner-take-all final round where the targets get cleaned out.
  • Mechanics. The path of a tumbling pair of dice (external link) is a simple mechanics problem (external link) which one can solve given enough information on the initial paths, the properties of the surfaces in question, atmospheric and gravitational effects, and the likelihood of any paranormal influences. While a simple drop is made problematic if a dice cup and a backwall are required elements in the roll, given enough computational resources and relevant sensor input, one can in principle know the outcome of the throw of an honest pair of dice beforehand.
  • Deflect attention. If you have doctored the dice, it is advisable to throw in some misdirection to draw attention from the unusual telltales, whether by projecting your voice, by flashing wads of bills, or by summoning supernatural apparitions.
  • Seeing spots. If your gambling friends are not particularly perceptive, you can dispense with loading altogether and go straight to a set of dice with sides that have been renumbered (for instance, adding a few pips to change the two to a five). Try not to go to overboard, however, for a sudden abundance of one number may start to become noticeable even by the dullwitted.

!! Traps for mere fools

  • Lingering. Decide beforehand when you will walk away from the game and prepare your exit. This requires both avoiding the temptation of padding ones winnings beyond what is strictly necessary and the fear of attack from those whose money you have raked in. In some cases, if the entertainment has been for high stakes, it is best to prearrange a diversionary outburst to aid in this vital stage of the operation.
  • Black hole pips.
  • Zero gravity conditions.
  • Dice superstitions. You may prefer to call the other players’ attentions away from the dice in question.
  • X-ray vision casinos.
  • Gods who do not play dice.

Without Fear

+ Precious and needful

  • Gravity projector. The best fit in your pocket and feature a tight beam so as not to draw attention to the spacetime anomalies they produce.
  • Telekinetic brain interface.
  • 800 grit sandpaper. Apply judiciously to the edges and corners.
  • Weaponized hallucinogen.
  • Neutronium dust.

Further plotting

Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Thursday 09 of December, 2010 05:44:56 EST by GrinningSkull.

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