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How to send dinosaurs rampaging

****The dictionary defines a rampage as Violent or riotous behavior; a state of excitement, passion, or debauchery and traces the origin of the term to 1715, in Scottish, probably from M.E. verb ramp "rave, rush wildly about" (c.1300), esp. of beasts rearing on their hind legs, as if climbing, from O.Fr. ramper (see ramp, also cf. rampant). The noun is first recorded 1861, from the verb. If your plans call for a uncontrolled scene larger than "nature red in tooth and claw," and you need something unnatural but still red, you may very well be dealing with one where dinosaurs can fit the bill perfectly. This is especially apt when facing an adversary which is escalating the stakes, employing perhaps Bengal tigers or giant stick insects. Call out the Tyrannosaurs and Velociraptors when you need to up the ante.

*Evil plotpoints

  1. Obtain the dinosaurs. Unless you are working somewhere where dinosaurs are abundant (unlikely), you need to get a few of the kinds you need to the place where you need them. Means vary, ranging from contacting a dinosaur breeder, growing your own, using artificial means?, or going back in time to fetch them out of their own era to serve you in yours. Make sure you have sturdy stock which will stand up to the wear and tear they are going to experience.
  2. Training. The keys to getting the best result are simple: frequent repetition and consistent reinforcement. Have experienced dinosaur wranglers apply Pavlovian conditioning to have the creatures do your bidding. Their job is to present the dinosaur with an unmistakable stimulus as a cue, and when they produce the desired rampaging behavior, immediately give them a small reward. This exact same regimen works with flatworms and PhD students so it is likely to work with most dinosaurs.
  3. Deployment. Apply your basic logistical thinking here. Where do you need the rampage? How will you give the signal to cue the action? And when it is time to wind down the rampage, how will you mop up the operation afterwards, if at all?
  4. Rewards. If you plan to repeat this operation on another day, be sure to give some tokens of esteem to the survivors of the rampage so that they know that you will treat them well in the future. For instance, you could let them feast alongside the corpse disposal unit.

! Strokes of genius

  • Mix and match. Only the purists insist that all creatures involved in a rampage be of the same geologic epoch. Be bold; mix Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous species according to your taste, and if you feel like stretching the definition, even include some non-dinosaurs by including mammals in your rampage. Since you are all about breaking rules, why not go for it?
  • Pacing. When launching the rampage, try to hold some in reserve. Ferocity and spectacle are at a premium for dinosaurs, not so much stamina. When your first wave tires of rampaging, that's the moment to send in a crew of reinforcements as relief.
  • Armor. If the victims are likely to have some firepower, train the dinosaurs to wear breastplates and helmets to both blunt the counterattack and to look cool.
  • Aquatic dinosaurs. Frequently overlooked, in water settings these can be truly devastating. And if you drop in a few giant ferocious sharks, who really will complain?
  • Sound design. If the chuffling and wheezing vocalizations typical of dinosaurs to you seem insufficiently awe-inspiring, try to supplement them with some meaty bellowing from things like tigers and alligators played through amps and hidden speakers.

!! Traps for mere fools

  • Non-dinosaurs. Because birds are descended from dinosaurs, some misguided malefactors think they could reverse engineer one to come up with a dinosaur itself. Instead they invariable come up with something more like a large turkey. They are not fooling anyone and will look stupid instead of cool.
  • Premature rampaging. Some feel that moderate to heavy sedation is needed to manage a pre-rampage collection of huge reptiles. Others feel that this reveals a basic mistrust of the calibre of dinosaur wranglers in one's organization, and advise against going through with a rampage where chemical enhancements start to hog the main billing away from the dinosaurs themselves. In any case, be sure you have multiple redundant control systems all the way up to the point where you literally unleash your charges on a helpless world.

+ Precious and needful

  • Basking rocks. These also make an effective reward.
  • Pith helmets. Dress to look the part.
  • Shock collars. With properly calibrated current limiters, these do not need to be inhumane.
  • Dinosaur chow.
  • Transport. They shouldn't have to walk to the rampage site on their own, so you should at least provide carts or wagons. And if the fight is off planet, provide cargo ships with sturdy stasis field to set your mind at ease.

* a a r r r g g g h h h *

Further plotting

Created by: Veeper. Last Modification: Tuesday 14 of July, 2009 20:00:23 EDT by GrinningSkull.

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