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How to interest young people in evil

****The payoff is great, though the effort is large, as you are shaping the world by molding the people who will grow up to run it. In this way, you may be in a position to accomplish so much more for the cause of evil than you will be able to do by your own direct efforts.

It is a lot harder to do this wrong than when you are introducing youngsters to goodness and kindness. Try this simple exercise. On your right hand, count up the number of well-adjusted, happy families you know of. On your left, count the dysfunctional ones. Which one runs out of fingers first? Which one leads to bitter, sociopathic, revenge-crazed grownups more naturally?

When you ram virtuous concepts down a child's throat, the person almost invariably resents it and turns out to be a troubled sort. When you are determined to force your brand of evil on a child, however, they rarely turn to do-gooders, but rather into neurotic and perhaps (if you are lucky) criminally insane people of a different type.

*Evil plotpoints

  1. Finding candidates. Little kids are often all over the place when you do not desire them, and very scarce when you actually need them. Where do you find them in such cases? Sometimes you need to go to some work to find them. Advertise online. Look in chat rooms. Enlist or coerce the assistance of other children on venal bullies of their acquaintance. Look for idle truants at arcade game centers.
  2. See how they run. You can learn about a youngster's evil inclinations through secret surveillance. Do they play with matches? knives? Are they adept at inflicting simple psychological torment on their playmates? Is this little girl a budding Lolita?
  3. Force majeure. You are probably stronger than the strongest five-year-old anywhere, a fact which you may exploit to your advantage. The vast majority of your targets are poorly armed and unsophisticated enough to fall pray to fairly simple stratagems. A great many aspiring villains find this a fertile territory to hone their skills before tackling more challenging opponents with more significant capabilities to resist.
  4. Let nature take her course. We at evilHow firmly believe that every child is created with an evil streak, and that one just has to nurture it and bring it to full flourishing. Give them a notion of what the good hardware is and let their young imaginations plummet.

Lollipop lollipop, ohhh la lollipop

! Strokes of genius

  • Prop work. Try to get more for your effort. For instance, when you are robbing a bank, bring a small child along as part of the gang. The witnesses will often be unable to keep their eyes off of the shockingly poorly-socialized kid, and will overlook the appearance and actions of the grownup criminals.
  • Play time. Young minds need this as much as they need oxygen and gruel, so don't cut it completely out of their schedule in favor of their training regimen. This does not mean that you need to give them carte blanche when they want to sit like vegetables in front of Saturday morning cartoons. Instead, plan for them to play with their little playmates, selected to you either as fellow evil tykes or as convenient victims, and let the fun begin.
  • Higher powers. Children are often fascinated by the idea of advanced alien civilizations capable of abducting humans and transporting them to other planets. If you are friendly with the right sort of cooperative superhumans, you might be able to work out a deal to your mutual benefit.

!! Traps for mere fools

  • Persons of short stature made to look like children. This got me once. I will never fall for that trick again.
  • Poor discipline. Be on guard for a child always looking for the easy way out, those easily put off by obstacles and disappointments, and those too easily distracted. Not every nasty kid is cut out to become an evil genius, sad to say. It is especially hard to face the hard truth if it is your own child, I know. Being a pushy stage parent type never leads to success. Still, console yourself that your charge may have a perfectly happy and productive life as a henchman somewhere, which is at least better than being a victim.
  • Too much at once. If you are planning to train your child to take over as trans-dimensional shapeshifting wraith devouring entire worlds, try to introduce each of the various job skills one at a time. Give them a taste of success at each aspect rather than dumping the entire construct on them and dooming them to a sense of inadequacy.
  • Pets. Remind the child that he or she wants to have a pet, that that means that he or she will be the one responsible for sacrificing it in the end, not you.
  • Underage espionage.


+ Precious and needful

  • Shiny objects. Very very small children are often fascinated by these. Keep a chrome-plated hand grenade around, or a new set of flensing knives.
  • Candies. Possibly laced with adult ingredients and in adult shapes.
  • Toys and games. Thanks to the efforts of toy manufacturers, evil playthings abound in this modern world of ours. Spread the bounty to young people of your acquaintance far and wide and watch your reputation take a jump. And then a fall.
  • Earplugs. The noise has driven more than one desperate man mad. Plus it can distract you from your delicately crafted nefarious schemes. Arm yourself.
  • Sippy cups.

Further plotting

Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Sunday 22 of May, 2011 14:59:01 EDT by GrinningSkull.

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