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How to get rid of giant eagles

****Eagle 101.5It is arguably true that the various species of giant eagle (genus Aquilamax) includes some majestic creatures with plumage that is not unattractive. But these enormous birds can also be pests, carrying off captives you intended to keep put, transmitting treasure plunderers and other intruders to otherwise inaccessible hideaways, and fouling the rims of volcano fortresses with droppings titanic in volume. In jest, giant eagles have been called "Streetcars with Wings" by villains who have been fed up with these birds. Persuading pesky giant eagles to stay away is within your ability, however, if you understand something of their behavior and preferences. These pests are very determined. You likely will need a combination of stratagems, perhaps even a scientifically designed succession of them, to get rid of giant eagles around your lair or treasure hoard. If you want to get rid of a giant eagle problem, you have to make your area as uncomfortable for the creatures as you can, so they will move their nests to calmer eyries.

*Evil plotpoints

  1. Use persuasion. With their specialized ecological niche and wide-ranging survey capacity, it is sheer bad luck to have giant eagles decide on your particular patch of terrain to take as their own. You may be able to take away the attractions of your piece of turf and play up the advantages of an alternative site before they have fully settled into their nesting site, when they are very difficult to dislodge. Keep large livestock safely indoors, divert rivers to drain lakes in which they have been spotted bathing, and consider introducing hostile predator species to take advantage of their strong instinct to protect their young.
  2. Active deterrence. As these large raptors spend much of their days soaring on upper atmosphere air currents, it is of little use to try to place hazards such as giant bird spikes or sticky tanglefoot around perching sites they rarely use. You might be able to target the nests they sleep in and raise their chicks, if you don't mind the extreme danger to life and limb as several angry aerial warriors swoop down among your terrified footsoldiers and mechanized infantry. Robotic drone aircraft, if you have the appropriate technology, might be worth considering to harass patrolling eagles as well.
  3. This means war. You can if you are of stout courage attempt to use armament either on the grown birds, their fledglings, or on their eggs in the nest. Place a couple anti-aircraft batteries along their flyways, a stealth fighter squadron to cover your high-value targets, and a commando team of bloodthirsty ornithologists equipped with munitions to creep into their nests during laying season. Some evil villains reports success with psionic blasts directed against these highly intelligent beings, while others prefer to trust in concentrated traditional firepower.

! Strokes of genius

Eagle Gargoyles on top of Chrysler Building
  • Decoys. You might think that the kindest way to treat the monarchs of the air would be to construct a reasonable facsimile in plastic and plush, lure the birds down into a non-lethal trap, and release them elsewhere hundreds or thousands of leagues away where they will no longer impede your operations. The trouble is that they are a bit too wise and long of memory, and are likely to turn back up at your doorstep someday with a monumental grudge. If you do use a decoy, it is better to use it to convince them that their services are not needed, as in a fake giant eagle apparently rescuing some beleaguered (fake) princess before they get a chance.
  • Bait. To gain the trust of the animals, leave large buffalo, roc, and elephants (their favorite foods) out for them to prey upon until they will roam your lands on a regular basis. After they are willing to take the bait, lace the offerings with rat poison, starting out with just a pound or two each, then gradually increasing the amount to a dose lethal to birds. Be sure to remove and destroy the eagles which expire around your bait station so that other species will not consume the poison.

!! Traps for mere fools

  • Park rangers. Before you get rid of any birds be sure to check for wildlife law enforcement of the superheroic sort. Many species of birds are protected by powerful benefactors, perhaps owing to services previously rendered, who might be sworn to defend them against harm. Check to see whether these rules apply to simply driving the birds away.
  • Fake owls or snakes. They are not that stupid.
  • Giant space eagles. In most cases, it is just easier to move on.

+ Precious and needful

  • Huge windsocks.
  • Acres of chicken wire.
  • Weather control system.
  • Strings of church bells.

Totem Eagle

Further plotting

Created by: Veeper. Last Modification: Thursday 03 of September, 2009 21:47:17 EDT by Veeper.

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