There are many reasons you might need the power of unassisted flight: not wanting to trust the pilot, not wanting to find an airport, or being in a place without an airport, such as Grinning Skull Island. Recent research on the part of Chinese investigators in the evil arts using energies from the spiritual realm for propulsion by means of the death of the very young, though this has not yet proven technology. Here instead is a method which is strongly grounded in hard science and yet which has not been attempted by any fiends who might be seeking to supplant you. And the best thing is that it does not require any noxious atmospheric emissions.
- Rare earth magnets.Sew them into your clothing, each one exerting a bit of lift on the attached body part. Rather than having a few heavy lumps, parcel them out in the form of numerous small needles or discs.
- Orbiting satellites. Powerful beams emanated from these will magnetically attract the magnets upward on command, and also apply thrust to move forward/backward. You may want to deploy a number of these if you engage in a lot of global travel.
- Heavy air. Do not look down on the assistance your magnetic levitation scheme may employ that is akin to the one used by the lowly airship — zeppelins, dirigibles, blimps — although they are derided for being slow and lumbering. They are not necessarily so. Perhaps if you can perfect a way to make the atmosphere heavier by means of a sulfur hexafluoride release in your immediate vicinity. Be sure that you are the only one prepared for flight in the area, and bring oxygen if you need it.
- Stick the landing. When you reach your destination, taper off the magnetic levitation effect gradually. You can make it easier for yourself if you choose destinations (such as the pad atop your mountain hideaway) with a steel surface for your magnets to cling to. Then it's just a matter of stepping out of your flying outfit and into your smoking jacket.
Strokes of genius
- A negative attitude. Keep the thought of how much it would suck to crash ever uppermost in your mind and you will feel a strong motivation to stay aloft. Some villains swear by the method of keeping the notion of crashing one that is utterly inconceivable no matter how imminent the danger may be.
- Go handsfree. If you can work in a set of brain implants, you won't need to send your satellite commands with a remote control, a much more impressive demonstration to any bystanders.
- Boarding pass not required. Once you have gained confidence in your magnetic flight abilities, you may carry heavy loads or passengers by simply boosting the beamed power generated by the satellites. Impress your guests by emphasizing both the invisibility of the propulsive mechanism and the the eerie silence of their means of transport. It is up to you to arrange exactly how those being carried are affixed to the one wearing the magnetic suit, whether in a suggestive embrace or as inert cargo.
Traps for mere fools
- Orientation. Sew in all the the magnets with the north poles facing the same way, lest you spin like a propeller.
- Unwanted attraction. Stay away from ferrous metal objects, for instance folding chairs and Tin Woodsmen.
- Winds aloft. Keep an eye on the forecast not only to anticipate the currents which may be liable to sweep you off course, but also to stay ahead of static charge buildups which might conspire to bring a shocking end to your excursions.
- Hostile force fields.
Precious and needful
- Hundreds of old earbud headphones.
- Refrigerator magnets.
- Space platforms. A dozen or more would be optimal.
- Weather maps.
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