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Season 4

  1. How to bake cakes of doom Star The carbs and trans fats are the least of our worries here
  2. How to upload your consciousness Star Upgrade yourself and future-proof your diabolic menace
  3. How to tell clones apart Star It's to the point where you just don't want to have to worry sometimes
  4. How to deal with holy warriors Star Oh look, here comes Sir Galahad the second
  5. How to weaponize pheromones Star A delicate whiff of crushing despair hits the spot
  6. How to install booby traps Star Home improvement made extreme
  7. How to make unicorn tacos Star Pass the hippogriff nachos
  8. How to become a divine monarch Star It's eerie the way the eyes gleam out from the shadows
  9. How to attract groupies Star The beautiful people lounging by the pool — of lava
  10. How to crack into vaults Star Going where the good stuff is
  11. How to grovel Star Sucking it up to your toady-master
  12. How to pass a rainy afternoon Star When that tap-tap-tap on an aluminum roof puts you in a killing mood

Season 3

  1. How to destroy the thing you created Star Allow him to show himself out
  2. How to loose the dogs of war Star All dogs go to their appointed posts
  3. How to root out an informer Star Tips on identifying the rat fink in your midst
  4. How to burn up the atmosphere Star Toast the world like a marshmallow
  5. How to consume the less fortunate Star Three square meals worth of oppression
  6. How to threaten a comeback Star Never give a supervillain a halfway fair break or you may regret it
  7. How to divert funds to your bank account Star Why let Ponzi get all the glory?
  8. How to be roguish Star Be the villain people love to hate
  9. How to use rats to your advantage Star The walls have ears - hundreds of ears
  10. How to raise a playground bully Star Every mean kid is a precious gift in the hands of a sociopathic parent
  11. How to spread a pestilence Star I'd like to teach the world to sneeze
  12. How to rob a stagecoach Star The original Stand and Deliver had nothing to do with classrooms
  13. How to set off a chain reaction Star One thing leads to another
  14. How to compel someone to love you Star This finally gets to the heart of the matter
  15. How to enslave a djinn Star Teach that turbaned rascal who's boss
  16. How to fix a sporting event Star One wonders why they bother keeping score sometimes
  17. How to pave the Earth StarExtremism in the defense of smooth running
  18. How to battle flying serpents StarEvery time you are near, cobras appear
  19. How to make an attractive mummy StarKnocking them dead in the Valley of Kings
  20. How to torment a soul for eternity StarKeeping a soul on ice for the long haul

Season 2

  1. How to deal with depression after losing an empire StarThere are plenty more where that came from
  2. How to cook Procyonic reptoids StarGarnish with blaster
  3. How to design battle gear Star'Your fighters want to think of themselves as badass, but not literally
  4. How to organize a death march StarStretching as far as the eye can see, a line of people with hatred for you
  5. How to lead a were-army StarA were-army travels on its furry stomach
  6. How to swear a mighty oath StarBootstrap your way to immortality
  7. How to control dungeon odors StarWhen a scented candle will not suffice
  8. How to maximize fireball damage StarNothing worse than when something you have blown up doesn’t stay blown up
  9. How to defeat merfolk in battle StarFire the lemon juice cannon!
  10. How to blot out the Sun StarBoom, boom, out goes the light
  11. How to manage a virgin supply chain StarYou in the back! No giggling!
  12. How to run a hotel StarA nice touch is to leave your guests something unexpected on the pillow
  13. How to generate repulsive force fields StarLike a buzzy shove in the back
  14. How to sharpen a guillotine StarGetting thee back to snicker-snee
  15. How to write a ransom note StarLeave out the part about being a Nigerian prince
  16. How to get the most from a bottomless pit StarTurns out, a yawning chasm is contagious
  17. How to make a universe implode StarCompactification run amok, courtesy of yourself
  18. How to release a kraken StarTreat your foes to a lavish calamari platter
  19. How to steal an ocean liner StarBriny larceny made simple
  20. How to quote from Shakespeare StarUneasy lies the head that reads a cue card

Season 1

  1. How to craft a backstory StarFolks like to hear about how you grew up poor but dishonest
  2. How to outfit a seventeenth century pirate ship StarFor a life that is nasty, brutish, and short it's hard to beat that of a pirate
  3. How to be enrobed in flames StarIn which the fires of hell cluster about you a little bit ahead of schedule
  4. How to stage a show trial StarObjections will all be overruled
  5. How to run a virtual world StarRule that space between their ears too
  6. How to cause a flood StarGet the creative juices flowing with some wild water
  7. How to conduct a manhunt StarTrack down that rascally miscreant efficiently
  8. How to get rid of giant eagles StarThere's no reason you have to cede air superiority to overgrown pigeons
  9. How to sleep in peace StarYou don't even need to count zombie sheep
  10. How to show flying monkeys and win awards StarMake sure your winged nightmares get the recognition they deserve
  11. How to rewrite history StarBelieve me, it is a much better tale when told this way
  12. How to maroon a crew in space StarSee ya, suckers
  13. How to turn people to stone StarPetrification has never been as accessible as it is
  14. How to give everyone their heart's desire StarWho's up for a little bit of comfort
  15. How to entertain zombies StarEffortlessly, stylishly mindless
  16. How to survive a road trip StarDon't make me turn this hearse around
  17. How to clean a dungeon StarThe best little charnel house in Texas, or wherever
  18. How to restore a vintage spaceship StarOnce she warms up, those drives growl like V-twins
  19. How to win at dice StarBaby needs new gravboots
  20. How to read minds StarMore fun than the back of the cereal box
  21. How to repair a broken portcullis StarDon't let the spiky thing hit you in the rear when you go
  22. How to lead barbarians to their doom StarApply your knowledge of social psychology on that horde
  23. How to attract giant worms StarWhat you do with them afterwards is up to you
  24. How to walk away from an explosion StarUnworried by the danger you stride confidently toward the viewer
  25. How to grow a mighty brain StarYou will no longer need to strain and furrow your brow
  26. How to switch to open source software StarPasty face, pot belly, and nerd glasses are all optional
  27. How to buy a used death ray StarThe doomsday device of your dreams is just a phone call away
  28. How to build a head collection on a budget StarYou don't need to be made of money, just chock full of evil
  29. How to stop time StarThe lucky ones around you are the ones who happened to be caught smiling
  30. How to perform an emergency stop on a dragon StarWhoa there, Smaugette!
  31. How to understand warrior maidens StarBecause evil does not live by dudes alone
  32. How to summon spirits of the dead StarSometimes a rerun is just what you need
  33. How to roll with a gang of energy beings StarWhen I come back I'm coming straight outta Cygnus
  34. How to display a mastery of wine StarThe elixir of gods and the blood of demons brought down on earth, or something
  35. How to write a manifesto StarAnd furthermore...
  36. How to conceal an island StarGoogle Maps hates it when you do that
  37. How to control earthquake faults StarIt's a combination of demolition and acupuncture
  38. How to make a cluestick StarStriking a blow that matters among the unenlightened
  39. How to extinguish all hope StarGetting them in touch with their inner cogs
  40. How to hasten the Singularity StarYour foes are going to feel so stupid
  41. How to betray your master StarTurn around, I think I see something on your back
  42. How to work with vampires StarWhen you are tired of choosing the lesser evil
  43. How to run an institution of higher learning StarBe cruel to your school
  44. How to escape from shackles StarShow them you're not their dog to be chained up in the yard
  45. How to send dinosaurs rampaging StarGrawwwr!
  46. How to prank your adversaries StarWould you like a gigahertz doughnut?
  47. How to inhabit inanimate objects StarAny port in a psychic storm
  48. How to look frighteningly deranged StarCould it be Madness this? Yeah, most plausibly
  49. How to pillage a city StarThe very best way to find something that would look nice over the sofa
  50. How to play the bagpipes StarFor the climax, flames erupt and belch clouds of thick black smoke
  51. How to oppress the meek StarI'd like to spank all the little people who made this possible
  52. How to exploit advanced technology StarThis thing here is either the throttle or the flush lever
  53. How to run a restaurant StarI especially recommend the Death by Chocolate
  54. How to possess eternal youth StarGo ahead and hate me because I'm beautiful
  55. How to run a police state StarWe have done all the hard thinking already and pass the savings on to you
  56. How to issue an ultimatum StarI'm gonna count to three
  57. How to curse an Emperor's ransom StarMark my words, you will regret what you have done
  58. How to conceal weapons StarWhy yes I *am* happy to see you!
  59. How to reign over love slaves StarPeel me a bushel of grapes
  60. How to earn money part-time StarA little hard work never hurt anybody
  61. How to get apes to accept you as their leader StarMonkeys, however, are a different story
  62. How to walk away from defeat StarIt isn't about losing the battle, but about being around to win the war
  63. How to move an immovable object StarHe ain't heavy, he's my glacier
  64. How to plan a mass grave StarWith a little effort, you can have a boneyard to be proud of.
  65. How to worship an evil god StarYour Mom would be so proud
  66. How to tickle StarHey, quit it
  67. How to control the governments of the world StarYou pull all the strings, and there are a LOT of strings
  68. How to grow plants hungry for flesh StarMore like Vast Evil Lair of Horrors
  69. How to lie to someone's face StarWith practice you can become the brother-in-law of lies.
  70. How to sport fangs StarWow them with a winning grin.
  71. How to get over a crush StarThe squeeze that suffocates
  72. How to break up with someone StarI would say it's not you, it's me, but that is so cliché.
  73. How to cast giant holograms of yourself StarAll hail the mighty Stan, great and terrible!
  74. How to make the voices of your victims stop StarLa, la, la, I can't hear you, la, la, la...
  75. How to get rid of a corpse StarEngineering a one hundred percent weight loss solution for somebody.
  76. How to avoid perfectionism StarDon't be too hard on yourself, bucko.
  77. How to send secret transmissions StarTonight the avid shockcord replays the concurrence of Fiona.
  78. How to get started with giant robots StarEvery megalomaniac needs at least one.
  79. How to make the world live as one StarAll one! All one! OK!
  80. How to serve man StarIt's traditional and part of the culture, so sit down and shut up.
  81. How to keep a giant spider StarWhat has eight legs and flies?
  82. How to recruit and retain henchmen StarOn bootlickers and lackeys and minions.
  83. How to deal with invading aliens StarGaming the little grey ones and the big red ones.
  84. How to rock an evil wardrobe StarWhat are you wearing now?
  85. How to fly without an airplane StarGliding along without motors or wings.
  86. How to peddle evil products StarKill, maim, and sicken millions while wearing a suit.
  87. How to become invulnerable to bullets StarPshaw, those little bits of lead matter little to me.
  88. How to collect damned souls StarOoh, look! Shiny!
  89. How to interest young people in evil StarThink of the children. Yes, you.
  90. How to make an evil sabayon StarWhat's warm and gooey and comes in a precious little dish?
  91. How to defend against magic swords and other weapons StarDealing with the talking shanks.
  92. How to haunt an evil forest StarThe woods can crawl with your malevolence
  93. How to destroy the planet StarSometimes you just have to start all over.
  94. How to create an evil menagerie StarNice animals, nice, nice animals.
  95. How to become the richest being in the Solar System StarJust piling up the wealth, because you can.
  96. How to be an evil consort StarMaking it a little less lonely in the high tower.
  97. How to breed monsters StarGo ahead, call them *your little pets*
  98. How to set up a lair StarIt's all about the crib.
  99. How to clone an army StarSend in the clones.
  100. How to avoid a gruesome demise StarChoose your own exit.
  101. How to come up with brand new evil schemes StarBrainstorming your way to evil success.
  102. How to flee your pursuers StarThe art of the dirty getaway
  103. How to deal with heroes and superheroes StarOn overgrown Boy Scouts and putting them in their places
  104. How to remember the five rules of good shapeshifting StarWhen critterdom is a boon.
  105. How to raise a brood of vipers StarSssssss!!!
  106. How to kill people with a train when you are out of rope StarDon't let a minor detail derail your evil scheme.

See also

Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Monday 22 of October, 2012 21:56:32 EDT by CapellaNovafyre.

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