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Blog: Perfectly, deliciously evil
Description: The blog for the evilhow.com wiki, dedicated toward the advancement of evilcraft by supervillains and malignant geniuses of all sorts.
Created by GrinningSkull on Fri 12 of Sept., 2008 22:00 EDT
Last post Mon 22 of Oct., 2012 21:50 EDT
(206 Posts | 158123 Visits | Activity=2.00)
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The spirit winds, they blow for you

Colin This week’s new article is one on the ever-popular subject of How to generate repulsive force fields, well beloved by those evil supervillains who need to project their influence over an area in a non-corporeal fashion (which includes most if not all of us). If any one thing can be said to proclaim “here is a being who has achieved mastery over some advanced technology beyond our mortal ken” it would have to be this one, with its uncanny optical distorting appearance coupled with total insubstantiality. When steel bars will simply not do and armor plating cannot be accommodated, it is to the repulsor field, deflector beam, or plasma cage that the evildoer turns. These are invariably energy-hungry baubles, so other villains know when they see one in operation that here is a fiend with means. I cannot speak too highly of the way in which the tasteful electromagnetic shield adorns the well-appointed evil lair and am both pleased and privileged to bring a taste of this mark of fine living to the greater community of evil geniuses here at evilHow.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

You currently have almost the entire school year to pull this one off

AbandonedIt has become a bone of contention here at evilhow central about the How to reduce a school to rubble article, which I was saying was serving a valuable role and certain others were saying that could be absorbed I don’t know how into How to run an institution of higher learning even though it seemed to me that it was kind of the complete opposite (though, I admit, in the end maybe getting to the same place), and we were going back and forth and not seeing eye to eye about the matter, so I finally just took the matter into my own hands and refreshed the “rubble” page, to make it clear that this was something for the evil guy who wasn’t in a position to run the place and not able to just tear the place down but wanted to influence it from the outside with a more limited set of resources. Hope you like.

Capella

Splitting hairs in no time

myFor some reason most of the everyday chores of keeping the place in one piece seem to fall to me, including the job of guillotine sharpening, which I like to save for a quiet weekday once a month when I don’t have stuff like ironing or dusting of poleaxes on my mind, not too late in the day when I like to take a “me-time” break with something cool and refreshing on my try, but also not too early when people are likely to complain about the racket caused by the shrieking metal (as if they could hear it over all the other shrieking that goes on at all hours). It can’t be a day when the gadget is going to be in use, when there’s too much else going on with other people’s agendas all getting in the way, and it’s better if it isn’t a time where a lot of other edged weapons are being serviced, like right before an old-timey pirate raid or that kind of thing, because I do like to take my time to get things done the way I like without being hurried. The heavy lifting I get somebody else to do, ever since I hurt my right shoulder that one time and the doctor said I should avoid whatever it was I did to get into that condition, though once they unbolt the thing and bring it down to the shop there’s plenty of cleaning and disinfecting I still have to do up on the scaffold itself, because like I say, the plum assignment of doing all these clean-up details that nobody else can be bothered to do is mine, all mine. I guess I’m lucky we have just the one setup to look after instead of the real big-time operators I hear about with up to a half a dozen being used in rotation at all hours, but I guess if we were in that deep we would have an entire crew doing nothing but running the choppers and keeping them in working order which I would think would take some of the hobby aspect out of it and make it more like a boring old job, and who needs any of that? I ask.

Capella

He left us doing what he loved

”HowIf you have been following the news you know about the notorious dwarf Grimmbold, who perished in a dragonriding accident in mountainous terrain not long ago. According to eyewitnesses, the green dragon steered by Grimmbold and also carrying his executive henchman along with one other individual (reportedly in a sack) was seen losing altitude among a stand of lodgepole pines but was not obviously out of control or affected by inclement weather when it went down. The group was not engaging in combat, either normal or magical, at the time. The investigation into the causes for the crash was hampered by the magical flames engulfing the accident site and several acres surrounding it, consuming virtually all traces of the flyers. The interesting thing about this case was the unusual flight path taken by the dragon, which was nowhere near Grimmbold’s granite fortress or any of his normal raiding routes, but traversed a remote Northern wilderness where a number of other dragons had gone down in the past several years, possibly coincidentally. I know that the dwarf was by no means an inexperienced rider, having distinguished himself in a number of Grand Prix events over the years, but not whether he had been up to date in his emergency stopping technique which might conceivably have saved him from his fate.

And so what was shaping up to be a promising career was suddenly wiped out practically without a trace — a demise none of us would like to encounter. We have, therefore, revised and cleaned up the How to perform an emergency stop on a dragon article in hoping we can encourage other evildoers to avoid this kind of mishap.

Veeper


The kidnapper always spellchecks twice

CutThe life of a supervillain is one of constant discipline in many ways. The one that comes to mind today is how as soon as I take an innocent hostage that I intend to exchange for ransom, I must train myself to send off a ransom note that very day, without excuses and without delay. We present this in the spirit of facilitating diligent study from the best models of ransom notes, discussed in this article at some small length, as well as by jotting down notes of what happens when defective and badly-constructed notes go out.

So often we hear of people who do only 90% of the job, allowing their hostages to pile up without doing the necessary paperwork to demand the payment in the end. They are probably incurring extra expenses housing and feeding victims in their facility for no gain, or else wiping them out before the deal is completed, largely so as not to have to compose the required correspondence. As personal as the ransom note is, too, invariably those fiends who slough the chore off to an underling are dissatisfied with the results, which ultimately casts a pall on the entire caper when the relatives are presented with something they can barely make out, or has confusing and contradictory instructions. The knack of attending to all the niggling little details of one’s work is something that is best cultivated early in one’s evil life, and no place is better to start than excelling at ransom note writing. One learns this as a young henchman working one’s way up through the ranks of apprenticeship to a high quality evildoer who recognizes the importance of attention to task.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))


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