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Blog: Perfectly, deliciously evil
Description: The blog for the evilhow.com wiki, dedicated toward the advancement of evilcraft by supervillains and malignant geniuses of all sorts.
Created by GrinningSkull on Fri 12 of Sept., 2008 22:00 EDT
Last post Mon 22 of Oct., 2012 21:50 EDT
(206 Posts | 158108 Visits | Activity=2.00)
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Let your balls of fire inspire respect

NJW_5309When it comes to thunderous colorful explosions on demand the tired old diet cola and Mentos trick is nowhere near as fruitful as a proper fireball that lights up the fortress ramparts or the starship cargo hold in a thrilling and impressive fashion beloved by all. Still, there are many evil geniuses who have the notion that merely producing a fireball and lofting it anywhere in the general direction of the target is adequate to ensure a happy outcome, an idea which is simply not the case. We know of at least three instances where the bad guy did just this and was sadly disappointed to find their adversary or adversaries calmly striding away from the conflagration with something less than the appearance of having been taught a costly lesson from the experience. There are subtleties in the manufacturing of fireballs, in their delivery, and in their detonation which can all spell the difference between a crater-maker and a squib, to which the prudent evildoer is well advised to pay heed, lest he or she be the fourth unhappy fireballer of memory.

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Our thoughts turn again to the laws of attraction

II must admit that I am not entirely clear why it seemed like a good idea to dust off the article on How to fly without an airplane, with its still novel magnetic attraction scheme, but suspect that it might have something to do with a large amount of rare earth alloy of the sort commonly used to craft powerful permanent magnets. My natural inclination was to create the most gigantic magnet of all, a towering structure oddly compelling in appearance, with an original intention of incorporating it into one my Doomsday machine designs. Everything was going perfectly fine at first, as the field strength grew and grew, until the colossal artifact broke loose from its mountings and began to roam uncontrollably in the environs of the laboratory. It was both devastating and exhilirating, and brought back to mind my old sketch incorporating this mysterious substance as an essential feature. I have not yet detailed a group of minions to break up the giant magnet into smaller bits which would be useful for flying garb, owing to a few technical difficulties, but may still do so soon re-energized by the way the potentialities of overly powerful magnets can translate into evil schemes much to my liking.

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Let me show you where you can put that trident

fishThe ocean creeps me out. It’s probably because I haven’t got much water snake in my background, to my knowledge. The way the water stings the eyes, the violent hurricanes and waterspouts, the toothy predators that sneak up on you, everything about it seems unnecessarily nasty somehow. Yet there are those who call the place their home, and sometimes happen to come into conflict with the surface people who are just trying to go about their dishonest business. Just as birdfolk only seldom fight the landfolk, dwelling chiefly in their separate realm, the wars against merfolk are uncommon, yet when they do occur they can be bloody. The land-based supervillain who can in his or her mind bridge the gap over to the habits of thinking of the sea-based has the key to defeating them in their clammy element inhospitable to man and viper alike.

Veeper

Imagine something Capella would write instead

ShowerIt so happens this week that the person who normally would be responsible for the articles on relationships, fashion, and so forth claims for some vague reasons to come up with the agreed-upon rewrite of How to rule men's minds through sex. Somehow that individual gets away with this, owing to certain factors which remain obscure, even though the arrangement has been made sufficiently clear to her in past instances of such. It is a maddening state of affairs, one which we hope does not impair the enjoyment of our constant readers who rely on us to present the latest developments in evilcraft in a reliable and forthright manner during this our second season. It is a distraction, coming at a time which is itself full of distractions, and yet it admits of no simple solution apparently. Therefore, casting aside our original plans we have pulled together our other resources and come up with the necessary revisions despite these internal difficulties and will resolve to keep this and other elements of strife from our mission at evilHow to lead by vile example.

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Time for the curtain call

Sunlight.As we pass the midpoint of Season 2 at evilHow we turn now to the perennial topic, much talked about in villain circles, of How to blot out the Sun. The average madman has perhaps not considered the many strikingly different ways one can achieve this end, all of them, admittedly, difficult, yet rewarding in the sense of representing the level of vileness that sets a person apart from idle schemers and criminals whose fame is ever ephemeral. Extinguishing the source of all warmth even for a limited time can result in having one’s name pass into legend and myth, perhaps with the qualifier “the Sun-stealer” or “the bringer of darkness,” most notably if one is primarily victimizing pre-scientific populations who cannot hope to appreciate the amount of difficulty one has had to surmount to pull this trick off. But even if you are working with the technologically aware public, successfully plunging the world into darkness will bring the aspiring supervillain up a level to where one’s actions and intentions become the subject of a lively debate even among those somewhat unsure of one’s claims to fame; that individual can be said to have truly arrived with a big, black splash.

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