This is Tikiwiki v2.2 -Arcturus- © 2002–2007 by the Tiki community Fri 22 of Nov., 2019 20:03 EST
Blog: Perfectly, deliciously evil
Description: The blog for the evilhow.com wiki, dedicated toward the advancement of evilcraft by supervillains and malignant geniuses of all sorts.
Created by GrinningSkull on Fri 12 of Sept., 2008 22:00 EDT
Last post Mon 22 of Oct., 2012 21:50 EDT
(206 Posts | 158286 Visits | Activity=2.00)
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On generosity from the hopelessly corrupt

I would like to address the question about the utility of How-to articles (external link), since that, at core, is what we are all about here at evilHow. How, one might ask, does a wiki/blog/forum website that purports to teach people the most modern techniques and best practices employed by evil masterminds expect to succeed in the busy marketplace of ideas, when it is up against dozens or perhaps hundreds of sites informing web surfers many more immediately practical tips they can apply in their daily lives? Things like making an obscene fortune blogging, or making their skin glow with health, or dilating ones pupils on command (external link) (the ocular kind, not the grade-school kind)? How, indeed, can one sell the idea that anyone, given a modicum of talent and a big helping of perseverance, can break the planet? or sell out one's own species, when a few moments of logical analysis would reveal that at most one person, and probably not even that many, could succeed in those endeavors, and that person has not made the slightest indication that such machinations are immediately forthcoming in the near future?

In short, don't sweat it. We here at evilHow know what we are doing. Even though we may give the impression that we are giving away all the precious secrets of the trade, you may rest assured that there is a vast mountain of festering arcana which we have not even alluded to, much less divulged. You may speculate at our reasons for this reticence, but it is not our intention to confirm or deny any dark hypotheses for this coyness, except to point out that it points out that we are in a position to keep up this evil genius education and advice gig for a long time to come. Rejoice or despair, as you prefer.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

Or stuff it with rubies and call it Gringotts

It's noisy, stuffy, and not completely secret, but if you're hard up for a lair you might be tempted to consider this mile of tunnel under London (external link). The asking price is a bit over $7 million US, but as with all things one may well expect that the sellers would be amenable to vigorous persuasion.

Admittedly, there are probably too many people who know about the site for a really good lair, for peace of mind. Still, there are plenty of other purposes one could turn this bit of underworld to. For instance, a seedy bazaar run by freakish mutant slavers. Or a shadowy cathedral for an sect of insectoid hyperintelligent aliens. Or even a storage locker for a battalion of warlike Mayan mummies. Any one of these concepts, or dozens of others, would benefit from a subterranean site with easy access to Harrod's.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

The tromp of metal feet

One enduring perennial topic among aspiring supervillains is that of How to get started with giant robots. The creation of a menacing android servant is virtually the sign that the evil genius has completed his or her villanous apprenticeship, sort of the Jedi Knight's lightsaber (external link) or the CipherKnight's Ciphersabre (external link) that grants admission to the order. How else to explain this fellow's fascination with his robot rickshaw (external link), a gadget that must surely be a pest to maintain day-to-day?

It is a demanding pastime in which to engage, making it just about perfect as a mastermind filter, without which our fell ranks would be swollen with dilettantes and braggarts. At the same time, it is some of the best advertising one can buy, an irresistible target for frantic word of mouth as well as to national or international media. And a formidable rank upon rank of pitiless robot infantry is a famously well-suited bulwark against allied forces bent upon bringing down one's evil empire. Whether one admires them for their artistry or fears them for their destructive potential, one can scarcely bring oneself to ignore these soulless masterpieces of technocratic artifice.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

All can live as one, and that one can be YOU

I have put up another wiki page in our planetary series, this one devoted to the topic How to make the world live as one, a thing people talk a lot about at this time of year, but generally do very little to effect. The main reason for this it seems to me is lack of information on how to go about such a project, perhaps more than any other dirty deed covered here.

It is not primarily a matter of insufficient technology, since all of the necessary elements are already in existence in some form. Instead, it is, at the outset, more of a management problem, one which starts out too large for one mind to encompass, and which aims toward an outcome that pretty much precludes letting other people in on the plan, so aspiring fiends tend to turn away in despair. Buck up bad guys! You can bring the world under your sway, spreading your influence like a virus, growing the tendrils of your surveillance network, and retooling planetary industry bit by bit to your will, and you can begin today. Simply do as I do, focusing on how future generations will celebrate your deeds, and never ever give up.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

Propose a plot

It is high time to point out Wired magazine's poll on what the ex-president of Russia (external link) should do as his next supervillain scheme (external link). The format does not, alas, provide one to add more detail to explain the concept, and it seems to me that some of the submissions which are promising on their faces, really need to have all of their intricacies worked out in order to merit being called an actual scheme.

Also, it would have been good if someone had come up with a scheme which incorporated this gentleman's truly intimidating prowess (external link) in some manner. Perhaps a return to a meeting of the G10 (external link) which will result in nine presidents/prime ministers/chancellors/whatever contorted on the hard floor with painful injuries, there to reconsider the Russian demands. Perhaps.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

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