This is Tikiwiki v2.2 -Arcturus- © 2002–2007 by the Tiki community Thu 14 of Nov., 2019 01:36 EST
Blog: Perfectly, deliciously evil
Description: The blog for the evilhow.com wiki, dedicated toward the advancement of evilcraft by supervillains and malignant geniuses of all sorts.
Created by GrinningSkull on Fri 12 of Sept., 2008 22:00 EDT
Last post Mon 22 of Oct., 2012 21:50 EDT
(206 Posts | 158007 Visits | Activity=2.00)
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With savage joy I would exterminate all software designed for weak humans

BinaryBack in the early days of the internets I toyed with some ideas of how to bring down civilization with a combination of cutting edge computing power and a dedicated group of brilliantly twisted programmers. This was long before open source software started to come into its own, which I would have enthusiastically embraced as a way to shorten the development cycle. Still, even today, I have come to appreciate the way that open source software meshes so well with the evil lifestyle, ranging from the ease of piracy up through the production of lucrative malware and ultimately the nearly limitless possibility of custom military-grade attack hardware and software. All without having to do business with any monomaniacal egotists more ruthless than myself.

Minions of mine who have switched to open source software have not much complained about the traditional weak aspects: usability, inaccessibility of documentation, and a broad support network. Not that they have many opportunities to complain openly, but one can see it in their unspoken acquiescence to the status quo — these have all seen a dramatic improvement as of late, perhaps because of increased interest among organizations dedicated to destruction.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

We supervillains call them "bug zappers." Because we are evil.

Buying a used death ray is not like popping over to the store for a six-pack of beer. Yet owning one is a privilege that many supervillains decide to take advantage of at some point in their careers. Many conclude that life is too short to spend tinkering and fussing in the breech of a poorly vented plasma howitzer cobbled together on one's own from scrounged up surplus parts from some black skunkworks and the contents of one's junk trailer, and it seems to me that the optimization of these famously finicky beasts is best left to those who have the desire to make that their miserable life mission. How many times have I myself had to agonize and research the equipment reviews, though, weighing in turn my personal preference and strategic reasons I needed to own a death ray on short notice?

Moon-destroying beam weapons are very lethal tools for things like perimeter defense, laying down flak cover, and mobile assault, but because they are so tech-intensive, their purchase can be somewhat complex and detail-laden, not to mention hazardous to the purse. Provided one is not anything beyond criminally insane in the first place, one will likely find that it is fairly straightforward and surprisingly economical to have one soon enough with a little dose of persistence, I find. In some instances, trading in an older pulse cannon or gauss rifle can help reduce the cost of the ultraviolet laser battery you wish to purchase.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

One good head on your shoulders means nine on your shelf

playmobilI do love my extensive holdings in cranial fare — shrunken heads, stuffed heads, and antique skulls — and think fondly back to my early days when I had to worry about how to build a head collection on a budget and it was just me and my own wherewithal to provide my first few accessions. These early pieces are not my rarest acquisitions or the most valuable from a strictly dollars and cents point of view, but I would not part with them for a goodly fraction of the world, sentimentalist I am. Now and then I rotate one of these to the front of my display case as sort of reminder of how far I have come over the years, silent witnesses of the early struggles and the hard-won triumphs that made every subsequent accomplishment of mine possible. But knowing as I do that it is a trap to dwell too much in the past, I try not to leave them out too long, knowing also that casual viewers of my collection (including those minions who are themselves younger than those capital assets) are most unlikely to understand the deeper significance.

What is it that they say, "Dead men don't tell tales" or something along those lines? Well, yes and no. There is a certain silent eloquence, a promise that is whispered to the attentive and appreciative viewer, a steadfast witness of what once was and what might again be, among these cherished mementos of a bygone era.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

Time out, all of you

What I do when my responsibilities threaten to overwhelm the 24 hours one is allotted within a day is to call upon my supervillainous expertise to speed myself up, usually within my private sanctum, in order to shut out the madding world and concentrate on what is important to me. From my point of view looking out, however, the effect is effectively the same thing as stopping time for the universe at large. It is a bit costly, to be sure, both in terms of running the generators and the bodily toll on me personally, but to be able to manufacture time on my own terms whenever I need it for my own unspeakable ends is something beyond price to me. Toying with the fundamental rules of space and time is part of what sets me apart from the run of the mill slaves who are helpless to the cruel twenty-four hour a day allotment.

Still, it takes some getting used to. From my point of view looking out, everyone and everything outside the bubble has a rather dull and stodgy sort of unchanging existence. Unlike some accounts of time-stopping (external link) I find it impractical to interact with normal-time people, stiff and unyielding as if chiseled out of marble. Thus, I reserve the technique for situations of extreme importance and unalterable urgency, such as writing up an overdue blog post.

I do hope you appreciate it.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed (external link))

Magical reptiles and fixed attitudes do not change course easily

I remember one time when Grinning Skull and I were a couple of miles out of Trenton riding an English-speaking fire-red hill dragon and I had the sudden realization that he'd left a vital piece of that day's plan of action back at the secret lair, and that he would have to not only perform the delicate art of How to perform an emergency stop on a dragon, but get back to the present course with only a bare safety margin in terms of time. I knew he would know, somewhere in a twist of his mind, that he had only myself to blame, but I also knew that this was going to put him in a foul mood which would need to be concealed from the beast, to avoid the unpleasant side-effects if it had started to suspect that it was the target of the rider's pique. So, much as I disliked doing so, I cast it in terms that would take the blame off of his shoulders and on my own (if I actually had shoulders, that is).

Well obviously it worked, but it did not come easily then, and thinking back to it does not evoke pleasant feelings now. For it is an undeniable truth (which they themselves will affirm) that Western dragons are difficult beings to have to find your way around, and the only saving grace is that they are also in numerous cases the only means toward a particular goal which one has in mind. But if I had not made sure beforehand that simply knowing the technical aspects of getting a powerful magic-using winged reptile the size of a small yacht to turn around smartly without having to go into pages of argument, counter-argument, and counter-counter-argument is not entirely sufficient. It is just a good idea to supplement that kind of theoretical knowledge with the practical social reality required to implement it when one has to rely upon others. This I have pointed out to GS on more than one occasion, but when it comes time to face up the importance of "soft" interpersonal issues in a pinch, it would appear that this vital bit of villainy is harder to learn than others. The fellow refuses to acknowledge that I was in fact blameless on that occasion, bringing up my "confession" under duress instead and preferring to hold that over me.

It certainly would not have been possible for our organization to work its way up to the level of acclaim it now currently enjoy without a certain measure of sacrifice and loyalty given when it mattered. Perhaps along with the hard-edged fact-based wiki articles here, we might consider taking a bit closer look at these sorts of practical issues as well. It can only help to foster the spread and eventual triumph of evil everywhere.

Veeper

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