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How to understand warrior maidens


****It is good now and then to realize that the pursuit of villainy is not strictly speaking a boy's club and that there are woman exponents of the art of cutting a person's throat (as well as those of brewing curses and of fabricating death rays, but more of that at another time). Studies show that 72% of warrior maidens consider their lifestyle one of feminine empowerment. Some of them you will encounter as avenging foes, some as evil rivals, and a few as valuable partners, but all of them more than a little perplexing to the untutored male evil supervillain accustomed to matching wits with males in these roles.

*Evil plotpoints

  1. Check the ID. Is this individual you see in fact a warrior maiden? Or an amazing likeness (a LARPer)? A male warrior merely dressed up as a maiden for who knows what reason? Determining true *maidenhood is difficult, but there are some guidelines that even the inexperienced can follow, potentially saving hours of frustration and grief.
  2. Fighting. Until it comes to hand-to-hand combat, your chief concern among the troops is your non-maidenly henchmen, with their petty issues regarding fighting those whom they may dismiss as "girls," their focus on defeating and bending them to their will, and their questions as to whether this will degrade their unit’s fighting ability. Draft a code of conduct with regard to warrior maiden allies, fraternization, giving and receiving orders, and extract a bloody penalty from those who would ignore it.
  3. She ain’t heavy. Incorporating warrior maidens into your marauding force can make life easier for the quartermaster. Females are especially attractive to those outfitting field forces because women consume fewer calories than men, all other things being equal, making a large army easier to provision. However their carrying capacity is also reduced, not good as pack mules or beasts of burden.
  4. Propagation. Societies made entirely of women have designed ingenious ways to maintain their numbers. Some would spend the night with a neighboring tribe containing men once a year in order to produce offspring, the resulting daughters kept while the sons were either sacrificed, abandoned, or enslaved. It seems that these practices led to considerable interest among the outsiders in joining one of the participating neighboring communities in order to partake of the benefits. This is something which may pose either problems or opportunities to a well-situated evildoer concerned about maintaining males in the ranks of minions.


! Strokes of genius

  • Taxonomy. Observe and meditate upon whether you are dealing with any of the following:
    • An Amazon warrior associating nearly exclusively within her own band of warrior maidens
    • A barbarian from a mixed group
    • A lone wolf berserker
    • A cybernetically enhanced fembot killing machine
    • A draftee into an army troop
    • A pneumatic (external link) distaff ronin (perhaps in some major level of disguise)
    • An acrobatically limber pre-teen martial artist
    • An heiress to a stupendous fortune happening to have genius-level expertise in space-time manipulation
    • A variation on these
  • Point of view. When faced with an unfamiliar warrior maiden situation, try to ask yourself whether it depends on the warrior part or the maiden part primarily? For rarely are these two poles defining the individual in question precisely in sync, one of them usually in ascendance while the other one is subordinate, and woe betide the villain who attempts to play upon the maidenly aspect when the lady is in (nearly) full warrior mode.
  • Bloodlust. Male fighters are not the only ones who can be addicted to the intoxicating thrill of limitless destruction. If your warrior maiden is one of these, you can use that to control her just as any other uncontrollable obsession. If she is not, then you might have one of the less flashy, more subtle, scheming and plotting type who works well behind the scenes on your hands. There are standardized tests to help with the assessment of fighters along this scale.
  • Equestrian aids. The ancient Amazons prided themselves on their skill as horsewomen. They hunted from horseback, they fought from horseback, and they terrorized the menfolk from horseback. This presents a market for the enterprising villain who understands this aspect of their culture in that those who today wish to emulate them may wish to start out with video game horseback riding, then graduate to mechanical mounts, speeding up the process of mastery once they gain access to the real thing.
  • Consider the anatomy. A warrior maiden almost always assumes an elegant weapon that emphasizes her femininity — either a longbow, an elegant rapier, or a bo staff — implements that require a certain theatrical grace in the way they are properly wielded — and if finances permit, a wardrobe to match. Certain types of physical attacks upon them become unfeasible or impossible, and by the same token, others more effective. You figure it out.

!! Traps for mere fools

  • Fancy footwear. Especially important when considering long overland marches, infantry maneuvers, and surefootedness on naval craft, and in light of the medical fact that females are subject to a higher prevalence of hip, knee, foot issues. So you might want to reconsider the spike heels and strappy sandals for your own warrior maiden allies, and exploit them if you are opposing such.
  • Fantasy costuming. Be on notice that chainmail bikinis are no longer regarded as being sufficient armor for anyone, and that anyone who attempts to justify it on grounds of distraction is not to be trusted. Armorer and quartermaster need special instructions on stocking accessories for battle and misc.
  • The Mommy track. This refers to the warrior acolyte who chooses to be a warrior maiden for a while, fully intending later to settle down and have kids. Are you willing to take the risk in order to reap the advantages down the line (studies show that the offspring of former warrior maidens three times as likely to join a band of marauders)?
  • The L word. There is no evidence that Amazons preferentially or habitually carried on same-sex relationships, but the warrior maidens you encounter either may or may not be of the heteronormative sort. Until you know for sure or are certain that those in question have been disarmed, it may be prudent to expunge possibly offensive references to such topics or labels tending one way or the other or anything having to do with controversial political stances from one’s speech, at least temporarily.


+ Precious and needful

  • Accessories. Insert your own sexist joke here.
  • Dark glasses. The better to conceal the manly gaze.
  • Men. Among the Amazons of old, males were only kept for mating purposes or as lackeys.
  • Human resources office. To assist with issues ranging from flextime to mental health benefits.


Further plotting



Created by: CapellaNovafyre. Last Modification: Thursday 04 of November, 2010 07:42:57 EDT by CapellaNovafyre.

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