Not everything an evil supervillain does is geared toward money, destruction, or hatred. Sometimes it is sufficient merely to savor the experience that limitless power gives, for its own sake. For what is the use of possessing this if it does not also lead to limitless pleasure and, equally important, a potent means of sowing both envy among your rivals and jealousy among your victims? When it comes to conspicuous displays of status, inanimate possessions such as castles, dirigibles, and missiles simply cannot measure up to rank upon rank of lissome, willing, and devastatingly desirable human (or non-human) captives gazing adoringly upon you their master.
- Enforce submission. As for any collection of slaves, an atmosphere of obedience is the prime requisite. In addition, love slaves require a singular focus on the pleasure and contentment of their one lord and master, preferably at a cost to themselves, which provides an additional barrier to the nuisance posed by slave revolts. By no means allow the pernicious notion of individual freedoms to impinge on the minds of your love slaves. Also, there are pharmaceutical and surgical methods for modulating the disposition of a mind so that it is more receptive to follow direction.
- The individual approach. While you are subordinating your charges to your own good and happiness, do not then conclude that they constitute an undifferentiated mass, for you must strive to bring out the excellences inherent in each one distinct from all the others, so they will bloom as a grove of beautiful and unique flowers rather than an artificial collection of plastic posies. Once you have discerned the fitting place for each one of your slaves, reinforce it with praise (administered at uncommon and unpredictable intervals) and crowd out its opposite with censure, recording carefully the progress in this endeavor over time.
- Toss out the duds. Not everyone is cut out to be a love slave, and one need not only consider those unappealing in appearance. Stubbornness, willfulness, deceptiveness, and just plain stupidity are flaws that the wise harem master will cull out of his herd as soon as they are spotted. These do not necessarily have to go to waste if they can fulfill some other role in the efficient functioning of your lair. If you catch a spy, however, terminate him or her publicly and with prejudice.
- Provide infrastructure. Many evil geniuses overly oriented toward destruction and mayhem think that they can keep their prize ornamental slaves in the same dungeons as their other captives with minimal concessions to their peculiar needs. In time it will become clear that an investment in a nicely appointed seraglio, not overly lavish but rather homey and comfortable, will pay for itself many times over in increased performance by your
Strokes of genius
- Be a showoff. Whether you are going for quality or quantity, consider carefully how best to impress the onlookers with your harem. If they possess an intoxicating beauty, call on technology to project giant holograms of yourself in their company. If they are vast in number, train them to arrange themselves in animated geometric patterns Busby Berkeley style. If they are fiercely devoted to you to the point of violence, trot them out into battle as your personal honor guard clad in next to nothing.
- Hedonism. Perhaps you know exactly what you want to do with those slaves. Or, especially if you along in years, you might have to remind yourself what it was like as a teenager without access to willing partners in what rocked your world, and make use of the time and opportunity you now have to avail yourself of what you now own. If you are just starting out with the proper use of love slaves you might feel a somewhat ill at ease at first, but you could calm your nerves with the thought that on the other side, the love slaves are probably quite well aware of what sorts of things lie in store for them and have probably already resigned themselves to the facts.
Traps for mere fools
- Staleness. A collection of love slaves requires ongoing attention in order to provide lasting satisfaction. Do not fall into the trap of growing too content with the same comfortable, increasingly long-in-the-tooth faces or you will find your rivals laughing at you behind your back or, in the worst case, in public. Missions to acquire new stock and identify promising new cuddlekins are equally important as sweeps through the ranks to move those whose times have passed out to pasture.
- Squalor. Misery is okay, but not nastiness of the unsanitary sort, which is a turnoff for everyone who must witness it. This includes unchivalrous speech concerning your chattels, who are too valuable to be referred to as 'hoes' or worse.
- Concubine raiders. As with any treasure, provide for sufficient safeguards to prevent losses even when you are away on your business. Nothing spoils the harmony that should prevail in a well-run love slave quarters than the uproar accompanying a successful escape, even if the person in question happened to have been unpopular.
- Artifice. Computer generated projections, plastic and metal androids, and vat-grown protoplasmic matrices are currently not up to the task of competing effectively with a natural love slave naturally conditioned to serve, and are liable to disappoint after the first burst of enthusiasm wears off. Save these subterfuges for your legions of pornotroops marauding across the countryside instead.
Precious and needful
- Shock collars. Buy in bulk.
- Name tags.
- Eunuchs. Robotic is fine.
- First aid kit.
- Pimpmobile. Or equivalent.
- How to cast giant holograms of yourself
- How to rock an evil wardrobe
- How to rule men's minds through sex
- How to worship an evil god
- How to break up with someone
- How to create an evil menagerie
- How to lie to someone's face
- How to set up a lair
- How to plan a mass grave
- How to earn money part-time
- How to exploit advanced technology
- How to worship an evil god
- How to possess eternal youth
- How to play the bagpipes
- How to control the governments of the world
- How to inhabit inanimate objects
- How to run an institution of higher learning
- How to make a cluestick
- How to build a head collection on a budget
- How to give everyone their heart's desire
- How to run a virtual world
- How to entertain zombies
- How to betray your master
- How to grow a mighty brain
- How to read minds
- Image credit IMGP0984 by catinatree
- Image credit cup size by jenny downing
- Image credit Fishnet by Brimley
Created by: . Last Modification: Wednesday 04 of November, 2009 22:31:35 EST by .