A few years ago it was nearly unheard of for any self-respecting supervillain to take on side gigs to earn additional cash. In those times, it was felt to be a blot upon a properly malignant character to have to spend any time at any pursuit not part of your central destructive mission. Things have changed since then and so have the narrow-minded attitudes among most (though not all) of the evil fraternity, who generally agree that there is no lasting shame attached to a stint of part-time employment. You don't have to compromise your evil principles, however, and you don't need to beat yourself about having sold out, for there are many alternative lines of work which are eminently compatible with your identity as a monstrous destroyer of everything decent and which can get some much-needed cash into your hands quickly.
- Choosing a sideline. The cardinal rule is that your part-time job must not conflict with your main identity. Thus, if you are determined to become a fearsome murderer of millions, do not look for a job saving lives in an emergency ward, where you are bound to become depressed and unhappy. Secondarily, a part-time job must be one that features flexible hours so that if something starts brewing at the volcano, you can work around it without having to go through contortions.
- Resume writing. Manufacture a few good references, using a clone lab if necessary. If there are gaps in the chronology of your employment, use the classic "self-employed" dodge.
- Keeping things in balance. Above all, do not forget where you came from. For instance, if one of your hardships is the loss of your lair, do not pause in your efforts to get back into a new one. At the same time, you should be aware that if you spend an entire weekend in a Witches' Sabbath, you need to show up for your shift down at the convenience store on Monday if you want to keep your job.
- Quitting. When it comes time to end your temporary work, turn in your uniform, hide the extent of your embezzlement, and wipe your fingerprints off of the boss's keyboard. Just walk away into the night.
Strokes of geniusHere are a few ideas for compatible employment opportunities you might explore.
- Security guard. Take advantage of your natural or artificial physical conditioning by applying for a job as a mall cop or bank guard. By way of additional benefits, you can case the property while you are working, and almost never have to face a truly dangerous situation.
- Personal image consultant. The evil supervillain look has widespread popularity now in the culture at large, so if you can use your talent to help wealthy clients with their soulless minions and body modifications you may be rewarded handsomely. In most cases, you do not need to worry too much about creating powerful rivals, since most people will be satisfied with the bare appearance of evil without having to deal with the annoying little details of being an actual fiend.
- Web designer. As a consultant, while you overcharge some amoral company to inject some pizazz into their corporate site, you can use your insider position to spread viruses (computer or real) far and wide, steal email addresses to sell to spammers, and record customers' charge information for later use.
- Babysitter. The main attraction here is the potential to corrupt your charges, as the pay generally is not that great. Consider this if you have had bad luck obtaining other legitimate positions, for most people are so desperate about finding someone, anyone, to watch their bratty children they do not look closely at the qualifications and references of any applicant who comes their way.
- Telemarketer. The most attractive thing about this is that you get to work from the privacy of your own lair. In the process, you get to perfect your techniques for vocal control and bald-faced lying.
- Musician. Of course metal is always the genre that everyone thinks of first, but depending on your musical chops you might be able to avoid the crowd and cook up a country act, an Italian opera troupe, or strolling mariachi group. The chances for turning your part-time occupation toward evil are very good.
Traps for mere fools
- Sex worker. The nocturnal hours conflict badly with most evil villain activities. And if you aspire to application of your managerial skills, be advised that pimping is both time-consuming and dull.
- Organized gambling. Whoever you are, don't piss off the Mob.
- Landscaper. The average megalomaniacal villain would need to scale back one's vision of the world, where a weed here and there is subordinated to an overarching vision of a blasted radioactive plain of glass.
- Crime fighting. Though it is tempting to worm your way into the do-gooders' organizations, but you could get caught or, worse, disillusioned from your original dreams of badness.
Precious and needful
- Disguise kit.
- Your own car.
- Bag lunch.
- Ear plugs.
- Ramen noodles.
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- How to repair a broken portcullis
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- How to clean a dungeon
- How to run a restaurant
- How to exploit advanced technology
- How to run an institution of higher learning
- How to make a cluestick
- How to win at dice
- How to restore a vintage spaceship
- How to play the bagpipes
- How to reign over love slaves
- How to display a mastery of wine
- Image credit $10,000 of $20,000 by Johnny Vulkan
- Image credit Root by Mr Jaded
- Image credit I Owe You, groß by David Ortmann
Created by: GrinningSkull. Last Modification: Sunday 09 of August, 2009 18:37:44 EDT by .