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evilHows
Here are links to the other wiki pages on the evilHow site.Season 4
- How to bake cakes of doom
The carbs and trans fats are the least of our worries here
- How to upload your consciousness
Upgrade yourself and future-proof your diabolic menace
- How to tell clones apart
It's to the point where you just don't want to have to worry sometimes
- How to deal with holy warriors
Oh look, here comes Sir Galahad the second
- How to weaponize pheromones
A delicate whiff of crushing despair hits the spot
- How to install booby traps
Home improvement made extreme
- How to make unicorn tacos
Pass the hippogriff nachos
- How to become a divine monarch
It's eerie the way the eyes gleam out from the shadows
- How to attract groupies
The beautiful people lounging by the pool — of lava
- How to crack into vaults
Going where the good stuff is
- How to grovel
Sucking it up to your toady-master
- How to pass a rainy afternoon
When that tap-tap-tap on an aluminum roof puts you in a killing mood
Season 3
- How to destroy the thing you created
Allow him to show himself out
- How to loose the dogs of war
All dogs go to their appointed posts
- How to root out an informer
Tips on identifying the rat fink in your midst
- How to burn up the atmosphere
Toast the world like a marshmallow
- How to consume the less fortunate
Three square meals worth of oppression
- How to threaten a comeback
Never give a supervillain a halfway fair break or you may regret it
- How to divert funds to your bank account
Why let Ponzi get all the glory?
- How to be roguish
Be the villain people love to hate
- How to use rats to your advantage
The walls have ears - hundreds of ears
- How to raise a playground bully
Every mean kid is a precious gift in the hands of a sociopathic parent
- How to spread a pestilence
I'd like to teach the world to sneeze
- How to rob a stagecoach
The original Stand and Deliver had nothing to do with classrooms
- How to set off a chain reaction
One thing leads to another
- How to compel someone to love you
This finally gets to the heart of the matter
- How to enslave a djinn
Teach that turbaned rascal who's boss
- How to fix a sporting event
One wonders why they bother keeping score sometimes
- How to pave the Earth
Extremism in the defense of smooth running
- How to battle flying serpents
Every time you are near, cobras appear
- How to make an attractive mummy
Knocking them dead in the Valley of Kings
- How to torment a soul for eternity
Keeping a soul on ice for the long haul
Season 2
- How to deal with depression after losing an empire
There are plenty more where that came from
- How to cook Procyonic reptoids
Garnish with blaster
- How to design battle gear
'Your fighters want to think of themselves as badass, but not literally
- How to organize a death march
Stretching as far as the eye can see, a line of people with hatred for you
- How to lead a were-army
A were-army travels on its furry stomach
- How to swear a mighty oath
Bootstrap your way to immortality
- How to control dungeon odors
When a scented candle will not suffice
- How to maximize fireball damage
Nothing worse than when something you have blown up doesn’t stay blown up
- How to defeat merfolk in battle
Fire the lemon juice cannon!
- How to blot out the Sun
Boom, boom, out goes the light
- How to manage a virgin supply chain
You in the back! No giggling!
- How to run a hotel
A nice touch is to leave your guests something unexpected on the pillow
- How to generate repulsive force fields
Like a buzzy shove in the back
- How to sharpen a guillotine
Getting thee back to snicker-snee
- How to write a ransom note
Leave out the part about being a Nigerian prince
- How to get the most from a bottomless pit
Turns out, a yawning chasm is contagious
- How to make a universe implode
Compactification run amok, courtesy of yourself
- How to release a kraken
Treat your foes to a lavish calamari platter
- How to steal an ocean liner
Briny larceny made simple
- How to quote from Shakespeare
Uneasy lies the head that reads a cue card
Season 1
- How to craft a backstory
Folks like to hear about how you grew up poor but dishonest
- How to outfit a seventeenth century pirate ship
For a life that is nasty, brutish, and short it's hard to beat that of a pirate
- How to be enrobed in flames
In which the fires of hell cluster about you a little bit ahead of schedule
- How to stage a show trial
Objections will all be overruled
- How to run a virtual world
Rule that space between their ears too
- How to cause a flood
Get the creative juices flowing with some wild water
- How to conduct a manhunt
Track down that rascally miscreant efficiently
- How to get rid of giant eagles
There's no reason you have to cede air superiority to overgrown pigeons
- How to sleep in peace
You don't even need to count zombie sheep
- How to show flying monkeys and win awards
Make sure your winged nightmares get the recognition they deserve
- How to rewrite history
Believe me, it is a much better tale when told this way
- How to maroon a crew in space
See ya, suckers
- How to turn people to stone
Petrification has never been as accessible as it is
- How to give everyone their heart's desire
Who's up for a little bit of comfort
- How to entertain zombies
Effortlessly, stylishly mindless
- How to survive a road trip
Don't make me turn this hearse around
- How to clean a dungeon
The best little charnel house in Texas, or wherever
- How to restore a vintage spaceship
Once she warms up, those drives growl like V-twins
- How to win at dice
Baby needs new gravboots
- How to read minds
More fun than the back of the cereal box
- How to repair a broken portcullis
Don't let the spiky thing hit you in the rear when you go
- How to lead barbarians to their doom
Apply your knowledge of social psychology on that horde
- How to attract giant worms
What you do with them afterwards is up to you
- How to walk away from an explosion
Unworried by the danger you stride confidently toward the viewer
- How to grow a mighty brain
You will no longer need to strain and furrow your brow
- How to switch to open source software
Pasty face, pot belly, and nerd glasses are all optional
- How to buy a used death ray
The doomsday device of your dreams is just a phone call away
- How to build a head collection on a budget
You don't need to be made of money, just chock full of evil
- How to stop time
The lucky ones around you are the ones who happened to be caught smiling
- How to perform an emergency stop on a dragon
Whoa there, Smaugette!
- How to understand warrior maidens
Because evil does not live by dudes alone
- How to summon spirits of the dead
Sometimes a rerun is just what you need
- How to roll with a gang of energy beings
When I come back I'm coming straight outta Cygnus
- How to display a mastery of wine
The elixir of gods and the blood of demons brought down on earth, or something
- How to write a manifesto
And furthermore...
- How to conceal an island
Google Maps hates it when you do that
- How to control earthquake faults
It's a combination of demolition and acupuncture
- How to make a cluestick
Striking a blow that matters among the unenlightened
- How to extinguish all hope
Getting them in touch with their inner cogs
- How to hasten the Singularity
Your foes are going to feel so stupid
- How to betray your master
Turn around, I think I see something on your back
- How to work with vampires
When you are tired of choosing the lesser evil
- How to run an institution of higher learning
Be cruel to your school
- How to escape from shackles
Show them you're not their dog to be chained up in the yard
- How to send dinosaurs rampaging
Grawwwr!
- How to prank your adversaries
Would you like a gigahertz doughnut?
- How to inhabit inanimate objects
Any port in a psychic storm
- How to look frighteningly deranged
Could it be Madness this? Yeah, most plausibly
- How to pillage a city
The very best way to find something that would look nice over the sofa
- How to play the bagpipes
For the climax, flames erupt and belch clouds of thick black smoke
- How to oppress the meek
I'd like to spank all the little people who made this possible
- How to exploit advanced technology
This thing here is either the throttle or the flush lever
- How to run a restaurant
I especially recommend the Death by Chocolate
- How to possess eternal youth
Go ahead and hate me because I'm beautiful
- How to run a police state
We have done all the hard thinking already and pass the savings on to you
- How to issue an ultimatum
I'm gonna count to three
- How to curse an Emperor's ransom
Mark my words, you will regret what you have done
- How to conceal weapons
Why yes I *am* happy to see you!
How to reign over love slaves
Peel me a bushel of grapes
- How to earn money part-time
A little hard work never hurt anybody
- How to get apes to accept you as their leader
Monkeys, however, are a different story
- How to walk away from defeat
It isn't about losing the battle, but about being around to win the war
- How to move an immovable object
He ain't heavy, he's my glacier
- How to plan a mass grave
With a little effort, you can have a boneyard to be proud of.
- How to worship an evil god
Your Mom would be so proud
- How to tickle
Hey, quit it
- How to control the governments of the world
You pull all the strings, and there are a LOT of strings
- How to grow plants hungry for flesh
More like Vast Evil Lair of Horrors
- How to lie to someone's face
With practice you can become the brother-in-law of lies.
- How to sport fangs
Wow them with a winning grin.
- How to get over a crush
The squeeze that suffocates
- How to break up with someone
I would say it's not you, it's me, but that is so cliché.
- How to cast giant holograms of yourself
All hail the mighty Stan, great and terrible!
- How to make the voices of your victims stop
La, la, la, I can't hear you, la, la, la...
- How to get rid of a corpse
Engineering a one hundred percent weight loss solution for somebody.
- How to avoid perfectionism
Don't be too hard on yourself, bucko.
How to send secret transmissions
Tonight the avid shockcord replays the concurrence of Fiona.
- How to get started with giant robots
Every megalomaniac needs at least one.
- How to make the world live as one
All one! All one! OK!
- How to serve man
It's traditional and part of the culture, so sit down and shut up.
- How to keep a giant spider
What has eight legs and flies?
- How to recruit and retain henchmen
On bootlickers and lackeys and minions.
- How to deal with invading aliens
Gaming the little grey ones and the big red ones.
- How to rock an evil wardrobe
What are you wearing now?
- How to fly without an airplane
Gliding along without motors or wings.
- How to peddle evil products
Kill, maim, and sicken millions while wearing a suit.
- How to become invulnerable to bullets
Pshaw, those little bits of lead matter little to me.
- How to collect damned souls
Ooh, look! Shiny!
- How to interest young people in evil
Think of the children. Yes, you.
- How to make an evil sabayon
What's warm and gooey and comes in a precious little dish?
- How to defend against magic swords and other weapons
Dealing with the talking shanks.
- How to haunt an evil forest
The woods can crawl with your malevolence
How to destroy the planet
Sometimes you just have to start all over.
- How to create an evil menagerie
Nice animals, nice, nice animals.
- How to become the richest being in the Solar System
Just piling up the wealth, because you can.
- How to be an evil consort
Making it a little less lonely in the high tower.
- How to breed monsters
Go ahead, call them *your little pets*
- How to set up a lair
It's all about the crib.
How to clone an army
Send in the clones.
- How to avoid a gruesome demise
Choose your own exit.
- How to come up with brand new evil schemes
Brainstorming your way to evil success.
- How to flee your pursuers
The art of the dirty getaway
- How to deal with heroes and superheroes
On overgrown Boy Scouts and putting them in their places
- How to remember the five rules of good shapeshifting
When critterdom is a boon.
- How to raise a brood of vipers
Sssssss!!!
- How to kill people with a train when you are out of rope
Don't let a minor detail derail your evil scheme.
See also
- Upcoming pages
- You will find the hottest how-tos at Featured content
Created by: GrinningSkull.
Last Modification: Monday 22 of October, 2012 21:56:32 EDT by CapellaNovafyre.